Yesterday, my mom, my sister, and I brought out my mom’s wedding dress from the basement. This was a momentous occasion, because about 10 years ago, I decided I was going to wear my mom’s wedding dress and that. was. that. Period.
The dress was beautiful, gorgeously preseserved, not a single blemish on it. And it didn’t fit me. It did fit in the terms of it zipped up the back and I could breathe. It fit in the terms that I wanted a lace dress and the dress had lace. So I perched myself on the bed, and stared at the dress. I came up with some ideas for what I could do with it, and then scoured the internet for inspiration.
Whilst flipping through photos of girls who totally worked absolute magic with their mom’s wedding dresses, of course some newer, more modern dresses popped up. They were breathtakingly gorgeous, so much so in fact, that I burst into tears. My efforts at “making this work” were futile. I loved the dress but it wasn’t me. And that’s when my mom took my hand and told me that I didn’t have to wear her dress. In fact, she was really looking forward to the dress shopping experience, something she had never had with her mom. She said that my wedding day is the one day I should feel confident and beautiful, and it took my mom to realize that I wasn’t going to feel that way on the wedding day in the dress that I had been planning on wearing for the last 10 years.
That’s when I realized that that I had created a little box for myself of what I thought would make me happy and the others around me happy. I was committed to that box, so much so that I was willing to do whatever it took to “make it work.” Here’s the thing, the cost to alter that dress was going to be around just as much, if not, more money than buying a new dress would be. And, it would have taken away the dress shopping mother/daughter experience that my mom wanted, and I found out really quickly, I wanted too.
When it comes to my clients, they come to me with an idea of what they think they want. The beauty of it is, as the home search process progresses, the wants transition to needs. And there is a struggle with that. For so long, they have told themselves this is what they really want and now they’re figuring out what they really need. When it comes to the place that you’re going to be living for the next 5 to 30 years, trying to “make it work” is ill advised. There is a difference between some carpet and paint to bring it up to snuff and forcing yourself into a home that you think you want and can “make work” by compromising payments and the feeling you get when you come home at the end of the day.
- Don’t be afraid to branch out and keep your options open to find what you really want.
- When you find “the one” that makes your heart sing, you’re on the right track.
- Having an advocate on your side that can help you see outside of the box is incredibly important.
- In the words of the Stones: you can’t always get what you want, but if you try some times, you’ll find, you get what you need.
Allen Tate Company
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